And so I wrote about the real men in my life. You can read the article by clicking HERE or reading it below:
REAL MEN
AREN’T VIOLENT by Judy
Croome
Who are
the most important men in a woman’s life? Father, lovers, husband and sons. No
matter what the culture, in the best of myths, the males in the family stand
ready to protect and guard the well-being of the female family members.
In
reality, it happens too often that these same men are the ones who are the
cause of violence against women. It
always shocks me when I read about the so-called “honour killings”, where
men—in the sacred name of their God—are allowed to (let’s be brutally honest) legally
murder their women for ridiculous reasons such as falling in love with a
man of a different religion, or choosing to wear sexy clothes. What’s
honourable about violence against women? Nothing!
I’ve been blessed with a
life surrounded by men who truly know the meaning of honour. Never have any of the men I love as family or
friends lifted a hand in violence to me.
My husband is a highly
intelligent and highly educated man. He is sensitive and caring, but strong and
protective at the same time. There is a moment that stands out in my memory as
being unforgettable; it forged my love for him in steel.
Left: My husband, Beric, preparing for SWC
2010
Recently married, my big
mouth (again) got me into trouble. This time with a very large, very aggressive
and very angry man in a bakkie. This Izuzu-man cut the corner, nearly taking me
with him. Because I’ve never experienced violence from men, I felt safe enough
to call him a few choice words…and then I got the fright of my life when he
slammed on brakes, scrambled over the hood and made straight for me with fists
waving.
And my husband, my
cry-in-sad-movies husband who practically faints at the sight of blood, pushed
me aside, stepped in between me and the oncoming maniac, looked a long way up
at him and said “Leave my wife alone!” The man, as bullies tend to do when
faced with a greater inner strength, slunk back to his vehicle, swearing
fluently.
But, I can hear you say,
the privilege of your husband’s education is what’s given him the edge.
Poverty, lack of education and domestic violence are the breeding ground of
gender violence.
Not so.
My father left school in
Std 6. That was the year he finally stopped hiding in the cupboard his mother
had shoved him and his siblings into to protect them from their violent,
alcoholic father. Eventually, my Dad
could no longer bear to hear the sounds of domestic violence against his mother.
He sprang out of the cupboard, overcame his drunken father and warned him never
to raise a hand to any of them again. That was the same day he left school and went
out to work so that his mother and siblings could have food to eat and money to
finish their education.
Left: My Dad (IB Heinemann) in working
gear, 1968
Without education for
himself, my Dad’s life was physical. He was a brilliant sportsman and he gained
respect as a rough, tough mining man, willing to lead the most dangerous rescue
attempts or bring the gold up from the deepest, most difficult gullies.
Do you still say violence
against women is bred in poverty and lack of education? How then do you explain
that, in the eight-three years of his life, no matter how angry any of his
womenfolk have made him (and, believe me, we’ve tested him many times, like
when he caught me smoking…, uh, something that wasn’t quite legal) my Dad has
never, and I mean never, raised a hand in anger towards any of us?
These men I am privileged
to love have two things in common: faith and honour. Their sacred gods take different shapes; my
father is a traditional Christian, while my intellectual husband is a Gnostic. But
their honour springs from the same inner strength, the kind that gives their
womenfolk the freedom to be everything we can or want to be.
Now that’s what I call
real men.
Not all women are as
privileged or as blessed as I am. Every day, women from all religions and all
walks of life are being subjected to horrifying acts of violence; sometimes in
the name of religion; at other times, out of the sheer brutality of weak men who
resort to violence to “prove” their masculinity.
I hope that the example
of these two special men can inspire other men to rise above the need to use
violence as a tool of oppression against women. And I hope that women the world over come to
know that we must not follow the example of weak men: violence is never an
answer to violence; gentleness and love are the only legacies worth striving
for.
###
Judy Croome is a
writer based in Johannesburg. Learn more about Judy at www.judycroome.blogspot.com.
###
7 comments:
I went over and read the article, and you are right. Education, socioeconomic class etc. have little to do with violence against women. I am not sure, though, what does. It seems to happen in the most unexpected places and with the most surprising individuals.
Judy
I completely agree. I have hardly ever beaten anyone, at least not since 2nd grade in elementary school. We need to learn that violence is never the best way to deal with problems. I think the reason why some men choose violence is a mixture of cultural heritage, lack of education and personal experience (victims of violence in childhood become violent in adulthood)
Cold As Heaven
Thanks for telling us about your article, Judy. I'm off to read it now...
Will read when kids are asleep...thanks for taking time to highlight this issue. You know I think you rock.
Hi Judy,
I agree you do rock! Thanks for posting your article and highlighting this important issue.
Happy Holidays~
I'm excited to go and read your article now. I know it will be great!
JUDY: The only reason I can think of is that it’s the soul, the inner being, that lacks something, perhaps the capacity to love. And it’s not limited to men: there’s a frightening increase on female on male violence and abuse. Beric & his partners do pro bono work in Alex (a township close to us) and they are dealing more and more with domestic violence where the wife is the abuser.
COLD: You’re another one of the good men!Although with my Dad as an example (statistics show that his childhood experiences should have made him both violent and an alcoholic) I think the potential exists for men (and women) to transcend their personal history. (Another good man was an old school friend of mine who, like my Dad, came from a family background of violence and alcoholism) Like my Dad, he used sport and faith to overcome that background. Tragically, he was killed in October by a drunken driver.)
MARILYN: Thanks for your comment on the article! I am blessed with my men they’re awesome!
ANITA: You know I think you rock too! And when the kids are asleep you should be eating mint chocolates without fear of discovery…
NANCY: And I think you rock too, Nancy! Hope little pooch is staying warm in her chair! Have a great holiday season!
KELLY: Thanks for your comment on the Shukumisa site. Beric would blanche at being called a warrior, but you’re so right! Considering he’s a lover, not a fighter, it was an exceptionally brave act when he defended me against the crazy!!
Post a Comment